A List of How Babies Change Everything

A List of Changes the Book Doesn't Tell You

1) We can NEVER make it to the end of a movie due to exhaustion (I still do NOT know how the Woman in Black ended...and I really still want to know!) 

2) When we do go out, we are ready to go back in by eleven.

3) Going dancing now consist of blaring Blue's Clues Favorite Hits over the loudspeaker and booty dancing with your kids.

4) Our house parties are wild nights that start at eight when the kids go to sleep and are conducted on the patio in hushed tones until ten then you got to go.

5) Drinking games are now played with milk and apple juice (Never Have I Ever just isn't the same when it's your husband every time, though you can spice it up with lies and play I bet you would have).

6) Dressing up is now putting on a batman cape and running through the house yelling
    Save Arkham! (Hey, I'm just glad it wasn't the Joker this time).

7) Going Parking is now what you do to catch a quick nap (we love parking!).

8) Sex is now in between feedings and better hurry, because the next feeding is coming quick and we have to get some sleep tonight.

9) Smoking is now once a month when you actually have five minutes to spare, the house     is decent, the kids are sleeping, and you have caught up on your favorite shows.

10)  Sleeping in became 8am (I NEVER thought that would happen, it really sucks).

11) Talking dirty is literally cleaning dirt out of your babies mouth 
      Oh God grass too...is that the poisonous flower?!!

12) Taking a long, romantic drive consists of driving to calm your screaming baby down and hopefully put them to sleep.

13) Whipped cream, chocolate, ice cream, hot fudge...only used for desserts now (sorry boys).

14) If you do enjoy a night out on the town and manage to stay awake after eleven, remember the GOLDEN SPOUSE rule that if you do get intoxicated... you are still stumbling to get your baby when it is YOUR turn for a feeding!

15) Tanning now consist of laying on a walmart beach chair while your kids hose you off when you get hot (if you are lucky, a friend will have a big, blow up pool that you can steal from the kids).

16) Rocking out is now soothing lullabies strummed softly.

17) Love my GIRLS NIGHT!! This now consist of your friends and their babies all booty dancing to Blue's Clues unless you get lucky and someone brings a Kids Bop!...Shake it Girl!!! (the martini that is).