Sunday, September 9, 2012
Friday, September 7, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Playing Barbie...On the Baby?
What ever made me and my mother think we could cut hair is beyond me. But due to the hurricane and our husbands being away... I guess we got a little stir crazy, so it only made sense at the time to play barbie on my sweet, unassuming 9 month old boy. Apparently, cutting bad hair is actually in the gene pool. I really should have remembered how my hair looked growing up..that straight across the face bang look, it didn't work on me and it doesn't work on my son. We grabbed his cute, blond bangs and formed a V shape with them (this what her student told her was the proper way to cut bangs). Mother brushed and...WHAM! one swoop with the scissors and his glorious blond hair was chopped to so high he looked like an Amish man. This birthed Jebediah, my Amish son. His bangs were cut straight across, generally speaking... A few strands were way shorter than the rest. The only logical thing to do at this point was to continue cutting. Mom brushed and went to cut the hair that was too long by his ear. Dear Lord, she cut way too high up!! Now Jebediah looked liked the cast away Amish man! Mother!! I screamed while laughing at my happy baby. You said you knew how to cut hair!! I never said that! she said calmly... The why did are you cutting it?! I replied...ummm not so calmly. I managed to successfully snip the other side of his hair by his ear; so he is now lopsided. Now he is only lopsided with WAY toooo short bangs and a high cut by his ear. On the bright side, he still HAD his ear! Even my oldest was looking at us like wow, what did y'all do to my brother?? I suppose the moral to this story is that if you had to tape your barbies hair back on when you were little... You probably shouldn't go near a head of hair. Yes, I KNOW we all secretly want to play beauty shop when we are older, but we have to remember that not only is this a life we are charged with caring for... we have to go out in public with this child as well. Luckily we learned our lesson and no major scars were formed. Next time, we will take him to a professional.
A List of How Babies Change Everything
A List of Changes the Book Doesn't Tell You
1) We can NEVER make it to the end of a movie due to exhaustion (I still do NOT know how the Woman in Black ended...and I really still want to know!)
2) When we do go out, we are ready to go back in by eleven.
3) Going dancing now consist of blaring Blue's Clues Favorite Hits over the loudspeaker and booty dancing with your kids.
4) Our house parties are wild nights that start at eight when the kids go to sleep and are conducted on the patio in hushed tones until ten then you got to go.
5) Drinking games are now played with milk and apple juice (Never Have I Ever just isn't the same when it's your husband every time, though you can spice it up with lies and play I bet you would have).
6) Dressing up is now putting on a batman cape and running through the house yelling
Save Arkham! (Hey, I'm just glad it wasn't the Joker this time).
7) Going Parking is now what you do to catch a quick nap (we love parking!).
8) Sex is now in between feedings and better hurry, because the next feeding is coming quick and we have to get some sleep tonight.
9) Smoking is now once a month when you actually have five minutes to spare, the house is decent, the kids are sleeping, and you have caught up on your favorite shows.
10) Sleeping in became 8am (I NEVER thought that would happen, it really sucks).
11) Talking dirty is literally cleaning dirt out of your babies mouth
Oh God grass too...is that the poisonous flower?!!
12) Taking a long, romantic drive consists of driving to calm your screaming baby down and hopefully put them to sleep.
13) Whipped cream, chocolate, ice cream, hot fudge...only used for desserts now (sorry boys).
14) If you do enjoy a night out on the town and manage to stay awake after eleven, remember the GOLDEN SPOUSE rule that if you do get intoxicated... you are still stumbling to get your baby when it is YOUR turn for a feeding!
15) Tanning now consist of laying on a walmart beach chair while your kids hose you off when you get hot (if you are lucky, a friend will have a big, blow up pool that you can steal from the kids).
16) Rocking out is now soothing lullabies strummed softly.
17) Love my GIRLS NIGHT!! This now consist of your friends and their babies all booty dancing to Blue's Clues unless you get lucky and someone brings a Kids Bop!...Shake it Girl!!! (the martini that is).
1) We can NEVER make it to the end of a movie due to exhaustion (I still do NOT know how the Woman in Black ended...and I really still want to know!)
2) When we do go out, we are ready to go back in by eleven.
3) Going dancing now consist of blaring Blue's Clues Favorite Hits over the loudspeaker and booty dancing with your kids.
4) Our house parties are wild nights that start at eight when the kids go to sleep and are conducted on the patio in hushed tones until ten then you got to go.
5) Drinking games are now played with milk and apple juice (Never Have I Ever just isn't the same when it's your husband every time, though you can spice it up with lies and play I bet you would have).
6) Dressing up is now putting on a batman cape and running through the house yelling
Save Arkham! (Hey, I'm just glad it wasn't the Joker this time).
7) Going Parking is now what you do to catch a quick nap (we love parking!).
8) Sex is now in between feedings and better hurry, because the next feeding is coming quick and we have to get some sleep tonight.
9) Smoking is now once a month when you actually have five minutes to spare, the house is decent, the kids are sleeping, and you have caught up on your favorite shows.
10) Sleeping in became 8am (I NEVER thought that would happen, it really sucks).
11) Talking dirty is literally cleaning dirt out of your babies mouth
Oh God grass too...is that the poisonous flower?!!
12) Taking a long, romantic drive consists of driving to calm your screaming baby down and hopefully put them to sleep.
13) Whipped cream, chocolate, ice cream, hot fudge...only used for desserts now (sorry boys).
14) If you do enjoy a night out on the town and manage to stay awake after eleven, remember the GOLDEN SPOUSE rule that if you do get intoxicated... you are still stumbling to get your baby when it is YOUR turn for a feeding!
15) Tanning now consist of laying on a walmart beach chair while your kids hose you off when you get hot (if you are lucky, a friend will have a big, blow up pool that you can steal from the kids).
16) Rocking out is now soothing lullabies strummed softly.
17) Love my GIRLS NIGHT!! This now consist of your friends and their babies all booty dancing to Blue's Clues unless you get lucky and someone brings a Kids Bop!...Shake it Girl!!! (the martini that is).
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