Sunday, September 9, 2012
Friday, September 7, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Playing Barbie...On the Baby?
What ever made me and my mother think we could cut hair is beyond me. But due to the hurricane and our husbands being away... I guess we got a little stir crazy, so it only made sense at the time to play barbie on my sweet, unassuming 9 month old boy. Apparently, cutting bad hair is actually in the gene pool. I really should have remembered how my hair looked growing up..that straight across the face bang look, it didn't work on me and it doesn't work on my son. We grabbed his cute, blond bangs and formed a V shape with them (this what her student told her was the proper way to cut bangs). Mother brushed and...WHAM! one swoop with the scissors and his glorious blond hair was chopped to so high he looked like an Amish man. This birthed Jebediah, my Amish son. His bangs were cut straight across, generally speaking... A few strands were way shorter than the rest. The only logical thing to do at this point was to continue cutting. Mom brushed and went to cut the hair that was too long by his ear. Dear Lord, she cut way too high up!! Now Jebediah looked liked the cast away Amish man! Mother!! I screamed while laughing at my happy baby. You said you knew how to cut hair!! I never said that! she said calmly... The why did are you cutting it?! I replied...ummm not so calmly. I managed to successfully snip the other side of his hair by his ear; so he is now lopsided. Now he is only lopsided with WAY toooo short bangs and a high cut by his ear. On the bright side, he still HAD his ear! Even my oldest was looking at us like wow, what did y'all do to my brother?? I suppose the moral to this story is that if you had to tape your barbies hair back on when you were little... You probably shouldn't go near a head of hair. Yes, I KNOW we all secretly want to play beauty shop when we are older, but we have to remember that not only is this a life we are charged with caring for... we have to go out in public with this child as well. Luckily we learned our lesson and no major scars were formed. Next time, we will take him to a professional.
A List of How Babies Change Everything
A List of Changes the Book Doesn't Tell You
1) We can NEVER make it to the end of a movie due to exhaustion (I still do NOT know how the Woman in Black ended...and I really still want to know!)
2) When we do go out, we are ready to go back in by eleven.
3) Going dancing now consist of blaring Blue's Clues Favorite Hits over the loudspeaker and booty dancing with your kids.
4) Our house parties are wild nights that start at eight when the kids go to sleep and are conducted on the patio in hushed tones until ten then you got to go.
5) Drinking games are now played with milk and apple juice (Never Have I Ever just isn't the same when it's your husband every time, though you can spice it up with lies and play I bet you would have).
6) Dressing up is now putting on a batman cape and running through the house yelling
Save Arkham! (Hey, I'm just glad it wasn't the Joker this time).
7) Going Parking is now what you do to catch a quick nap (we love parking!).
8) Sex is now in between feedings and better hurry, because the next feeding is coming quick and we have to get some sleep tonight.
9) Smoking is now once a month when you actually have five minutes to spare, the house is decent, the kids are sleeping, and you have caught up on your favorite shows.
10) Sleeping in became 8am (I NEVER thought that would happen, it really sucks).
11) Talking dirty is literally cleaning dirt out of your babies mouth
Oh God grass too...is that the poisonous flower?!!
12) Taking a long, romantic drive consists of driving to calm your screaming baby down and hopefully put them to sleep.
13) Whipped cream, chocolate, ice cream, hot fudge...only used for desserts now (sorry boys).
14) If you do enjoy a night out on the town and manage to stay awake after eleven, remember the GOLDEN SPOUSE rule that if you do get intoxicated... you are still stumbling to get your baby when it is YOUR turn for a feeding!
15) Tanning now consist of laying on a walmart beach chair while your kids hose you off when you get hot (if you are lucky, a friend will have a big, blow up pool that you can steal from the kids).
16) Rocking out is now soothing lullabies strummed softly.
17) Love my GIRLS NIGHT!! This now consist of your friends and their babies all booty dancing to Blue's Clues unless you get lucky and someone brings a Kids Bop!...Shake it Girl!!! (the martini that is).
1) We can NEVER make it to the end of a movie due to exhaustion (I still do NOT know how the Woman in Black ended...and I really still want to know!)
2) When we do go out, we are ready to go back in by eleven.
3) Going dancing now consist of blaring Blue's Clues Favorite Hits over the loudspeaker and booty dancing with your kids.
4) Our house parties are wild nights that start at eight when the kids go to sleep and are conducted on the patio in hushed tones until ten then you got to go.
5) Drinking games are now played with milk and apple juice (Never Have I Ever just isn't the same when it's your husband every time, though you can spice it up with lies and play I bet you would have).
6) Dressing up is now putting on a batman cape and running through the house yelling
Save Arkham! (Hey, I'm just glad it wasn't the Joker this time).
7) Going Parking is now what you do to catch a quick nap (we love parking!).
8) Sex is now in between feedings and better hurry, because the next feeding is coming quick and we have to get some sleep tonight.
9) Smoking is now once a month when you actually have five minutes to spare, the house is decent, the kids are sleeping, and you have caught up on your favorite shows.
10) Sleeping in became 8am (I NEVER thought that would happen, it really sucks).
11) Talking dirty is literally cleaning dirt out of your babies mouth
Oh God grass too...is that the poisonous flower?!!
12) Taking a long, romantic drive consists of driving to calm your screaming baby down and hopefully put them to sleep.
13) Whipped cream, chocolate, ice cream, hot fudge...only used for desserts now (sorry boys).
14) If you do enjoy a night out on the town and manage to stay awake after eleven, remember the GOLDEN SPOUSE rule that if you do get intoxicated... you are still stumbling to get your baby when it is YOUR turn for a feeding!
15) Tanning now consist of laying on a walmart beach chair while your kids hose you off when you get hot (if you are lucky, a friend will have a big, blow up pool that you can steal from the kids).
16) Rocking out is now soothing lullabies strummed softly.
17) Love my GIRLS NIGHT!! This now consist of your friends and their babies all booty dancing to Blue's Clues unless you get lucky and someone brings a Kids Bop!...Shake it Girl!!! (the martini that is).
Friday, August 31, 2012
Top Ten Exercises for Stubborn Baby Fat!
Warm-Up
- Wake Up, lean over, and stretch those muscles to get your screaming ray of sunshine out of crib. Change, feed, trip over toys, and feel great about the coming exercises when you see your baby smile.
Now that your warmed up, here is a list of ten exercises to get rid of that stubborn baby fat...
1) Start off running around the house with your full of energy toddler(s). Generally this last for around an hour. Do 30 reps throughout the day.
2) Get your heart rate going by dressing your little one. One arm in and one arm out, right arm is IN but left arm is out. Both arms are in! Pants are on...backwards. Pants are on right. One sock on, one sock doesn't match...oh well. Teeth are brushed and hair is sticking straight up. It's a good look, leave it alone.
3) Work thigh muscles by doing "ride the horsey" do this for six rounds with eight reps each (this is a killer!)
4) Race as fast as you can to the street when you realize your toddler has opened the front door (be sure to check heart rate after).
5) Work those arms to get rid of underarm fat by lifting your chunk ALL day. I know it gets very tiring, but you CAN do it!
6) To get back into that teenie, weenie bikini that we long for before we had our bundles of joy; we must work our abs. .... Laughing hysterically throughout the day at all the things your baby does and says is guaranteed to rid that belly fat (whether it is actually funny or not, you will deem it funny due to exhaustion or first time parenthood where everything is soooo cute).
7) Work your back muscles by taking your babies anywhere in the car... In this order: Load all car seats, lift and put baby in car seat, strap into car seat, drive the entire trip reaching behind you to ensure everyone has their cups, toys, blankets, and snacks.
8) Race as fast as you can to stop your toddler from coloring all over your table, couch, and floor (google search how to take stains out and scrub your couch). Depending on if it was your couch or a friends, check heart rate after.
9) Final step, you need to give it your all and work your entire muscle group by feeding your toddler supper, bathing him, getting him ready for bed, reading him a book, doing ride the horsey AGAIN, chasing him around the house when he grabs your Fifty Shades of Grey book (anything but that!!), and finally kissing him goodnight and laying him down in his crib. I know this last one is a LOT, but it works all muscle groups and generally take a couple of hours to complete.
10) You MUST remember to Cool Off... pass out from exhaustion
....make sure you relax your sore muscles with a hot bath and a good nights sleep! (yeahhh right!!...)
- Wake Up, lean over, and stretch those muscles to get your screaming ray of sunshine out of crib. Change, feed, trip over toys, and feel great about the coming exercises when you see your baby smile.
Now that your warmed up, here is a list of ten exercises to get rid of that stubborn baby fat...1) Start off running around the house with your full of energy toddler(s). Generally this last for around an hour. Do 30 reps throughout the day.
2) Get your heart rate going by dressing your little one. One arm in and one arm out, right arm is IN but left arm is out. Both arms are in! Pants are on...backwards. Pants are on right. One sock on, one sock doesn't match...oh well. Teeth are brushed and hair is sticking straight up. It's a good look, leave it alone.
3) Work thigh muscles by doing "ride the horsey" do this for six rounds with eight reps each (this is a killer!)
4) Race as fast as you can to the street when you realize your toddler has opened the front door (be sure to check heart rate after).
5) Work those arms to get rid of underarm fat by lifting your chunk ALL day. I know it gets very tiring, but you CAN do it!
6) To get back into that teenie, weenie bikini that we long for before we had our bundles of joy; we must work our abs. .... Laughing hysterically throughout the day at all the things your baby does and says is guaranteed to rid that belly fat (whether it is actually funny or not, you will deem it funny due to exhaustion or first time parenthood where everything is soooo cute).
7) Work your back muscles by taking your babies anywhere in the car... In this order: Load all car seats, lift and put baby in car seat, strap into car seat, drive the entire trip reaching behind you to ensure everyone has their cups, toys, blankets, and snacks.
8) Race as fast as you can to stop your toddler from coloring all over your table, couch, and floor (google search how to take stains out and scrub your couch). Depending on if it was your couch or a friends, check heart rate after.
9) Final step, you need to give it your all and work your entire muscle group by feeding your toddler supper, bathing him, getting him ready for bed, reading him a book, doing ride the horsey AGAIN, chasing him around the house when he grabs your Fifty Shades of Grey book (anything but that!!), and finally kissing him goodnight and laying him down in his crib. I know this last one is a LOT, but it works all muscle groups and generally take a couple of hours to complete.
10) You MUST remember to Cool Off... pass out from exhaustion
....make sure you relax your sore muscles with a hot bath and a good nights sleep! (yeahhh right!!...)
Monday, August 20, 2012
Mary K Looks Good On Him...
Two weeks before I am suppose to move out of my house, I receive a phone call from a friend I have not spoken with in forever who wanted to work on selling her Mary K products. I wear the always famous Walmart brands, but I thought why not help her out. I schedule an appointment on the day before the big move thinking that I would have everything completely under control...Boy was I wrong... I invited my friend over who also has a baby the same age as my youngest (six months old at the time), and we were excited to visit and have get pampered. On the day of the makeover, I had my entire house in boxes. My husband was at a military function for the week, so I was working solo. My two boys were not in the best of moods, but I could handle this, right? The Mary K rep. arrived and started to unload her makeup. My friend arrived shortly after (thank God, since my son had now taken a very new interest in makeup). I offered everyone something to drink and realized that I didn't have anything in my fridge or my cabinets. Wow...dropped the hostess ball there! I had my baby in my arms, my friend had her baby in our jumperoo, and my toddler was climbing on the table for the makeup; but we listened as she instructed us to wash off our makeup. I handed my baby to the rep. and washed and scrubbed my face. After I had put the scrub everywhere, she informs me not to put it over my eyes...toooo late! My friend went next, and she managed to avoid her beautiful eyes. Meanwhile, mine were still tingling. We were instructed to sit down with little mirrors in front of us and were handed makeup kits. I looked at Alex with wide eyes, because we thought we were going to have HER make US pretty. We were WAY too lazy to want to do this ourselves. I hate getting dressed! Oh well... About this time, the best baby in the world (my friends) started crying. This child does not cry! I look at my friend in horror, and she looks at me; and we just apologize and laugh. To set the scene now...I am holding my six month old, she is holding her six month old, my toddler is chasing after the makeup bag, our rep. is still talking, and we are trying to listen while correctly applying our eye makeup. Yes, somehow by the grace of God we got our lotion, foundation...no powder which I thought odd... and eye liner on. Both our babies are now on the verge of combustion in our laps trying to grab the makeup. My baby discovered that eye liner was yummy (I am sure it is okay, no worries), and my friend's baby was infatuated with the mascara. We were in turbo mode swiping our makeup on like we were were late for the most important day of our lives. We threw this pink stuff on the lid but that was suppose to go in the crease and put the purple crease powder on the brow...I looked like a pre-teen who applied makeup for the first time with no guidance... BUT I was getting it on there! Our poor rep. ended and left with lots of apologies from us. After she left, we instantly melted into a fit of giggles...what can you do? Oh I know! Do you want a margarita?!! ...oh wait...I packed that too.
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